One time in your life you mastered this powerful word... in fact it was your job and remains the job of every two year old. Saying NO!
Speaking the word no establishes a boundary. It keeps other peoples agenda out of your territory. It gives you back control over what you do and when. We assume that its easy to say no because our lives stay jammed full of stuff to do.
However, that two year old quickly learned that saying no got her negative results. On the other hand, saying yes got positive results. For this reason, many of us become people pleasers. Saying yes seems easier than saying no because we want to avoid the confrontation and anguish we experienced at that impressionable age.
Manipulative people are masters at this. They realize you are more comfortable with saying yes and capitalize on it.
"No," is a commendable response. Don't equate No with rejection... saying 'No' doesn't mean you don't like the person; you're just refusing their current request.
Saying yes when you really want to say no will breed resentment that swells while you perform the task you agreed to do. Stress from this process shows up in many ways"shoulder tension, drained energy, headaches, discomfort, and restless sleep. Avoid these creativity killers by saying no in the first place. Life already creates stress. Why add more to your heavy load?
Saying No in 5 Easy Ways
1. Let The Word No Start Your Sentences
If no is the first word out of your mouth, you will find it easier to follow through and refuse the task.
No. My schedule wont allow me to take on anything else right now, and I wouldn't do a good job for you.
No, I'm not available (no need for details)
2. Let Me Think It Over
Maybe the request is something you want or need to do but you need time to make sure it will fit your schedule. Perhaps you're not strong enough to say no right now. Ask for time to think it over. That way you can have time to mentally prepare yourself to say No. Remember, the decision is totally yours.
3. Just Say No
Thats right, Just Say No. You do not need to explain your reason. Although No, thank you may be appropriate in some situations.
Do cashiers and clerks ask for your phone number or email address while they are ringing out your purchases? If you don't want to tell them, say no.
Say No to the telemarketer disturbing your dinner... better yet, don't answer the phone.
Twenty years ago in the war on Drugs, you say Just Say No To Drugs all over the place, schools, billboard, commercials, subways, everyplace. Start your own No campaign. Using bright colored paper, you can print your own signs and put them up where you will see and read them.
4. Blame it On...
Why not blame the no on someone else? We love to blame other people for our problems because it takes the heat off us.
No, my doctor said I need to start taking it easy (great one to for preserving your personal time).
No, my accountant said if I did that one more time (great for unreasonable customer demands)
Don't use a name, unless that person really said it... keep the "blame" person generic.
5. Respond like a Parrot
Especially good for the "manipulator" attempting to guilt you into a yes and/or someone using the "wear them down" method
Perhaps you encounter this type of conversation:
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
Well be back in 30 minutes.
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
You deserve it... you've been working hard
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
My Treat
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
Take baby steps and begin saying no to one request every day. With practice, you will be rolling those nos off your tongue as pert and decisive as that two year old. Only this time you will hear, You go, girl!
Speaking the word no establishes a boundary. It keeps other peoples agenda out of your territory. It gives you back control over what you do and when. We assume that its easy to say no because our lives stay jammed full of stuff to do.
However, that two year old quickly learned that saying no got her negative results. On the other hand, saying yes got positive results. For this reason, many of us become people pleasers. Saying yes seems easier than saying no because we want to avoid the confrontation and anguish we experienced at that impressionable age.
Manipulative people are masters at this. They realize you are more comfortable with saying yes and capitalize on it.
"No," is a commendable response. Don't equate No with rejection... saying 'No' doesn't mean you don't like the person; you're just refusing their current request.
Saying yes when you really want to say no will breed resentment that swells while you perform the task you agreed to do. Stress from this process shows up in many ways"shoulder tension, drained energy, headaches, discomfort, and restless sleep. Avoid these creativity killers by saying no in the first place. Life already creates stress. Why add more to your heavy load?
Saying No in 5 Easy Ways
1. Let The Word No Start Your Sentences
If no is the first word out of your mouth, you will find it easier to follow through and refuse the task.
No. My schedule wont allow me to take on anything else right now, and I wouldn't do a good job for you.
No, I'm not available (no need for details)
2. Let Me Think It Over
Maybe the request is something you want or need to do but you need time to make sure it will fit your schedule. Perhaps you're not strong enough to say no right now. Ask for time to think it over. That way you can have time to mentally prepare yourself to say No. Remember, the decision is totally yours.
3. Just Say No
Thats right, Just Say No. You do not need to explain your reason. Although No, thank you may be appropriate in some situations.
Do cashiers and clerks ask for your phone number or email address while they are ringing out your purchases? If you don't want to tell them, say no.
Say No to the telemarketer disturbing your dinner... better yet, don't answer the phone.
Twenty years ago in the war on Drugs, you say Just Say No To Drugs all over the place, schools, billboard, commercials, subways, everyplace. Start your own No campaign. Using bright colored paper, you can print your own signs and put them up where you will see and read them.
4. Blame it On...
Why not blame the no on someone else? We love to blame other people for our problems because it takes the heat off us.
No, my doctor said I need to start taking it easy (great one to for preserving your personal time).
No, my accountant said if I did that one more time (great for unreasonable customer demands)
Don't use a name, unless that person really said it... keep the "blame" person generic.
5. Respond like a Parrot
Especially good for the "manipulator" attempting to guilt you into a yes and/or someone using the "wear them down" method
Perhaps you encounter this type of conversation:
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
Well be back in 30 minutes.
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
You deserve it... you've been working hard
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
My Treat
"No, I can't have coffee with you"
Take baby steps and begin saying no to one request every day. With practice, you will be rolling those nos off your tongue as pert and decisive as that two year old. Only this time you will hear, You go, girl!
About the Author:
Author, Ann Rusnak,Time Management Expert,teaches frustrated entrepreneurs how to Get More Done in Half the Time. Sign up for her free Time Management video series "Control Your Day in 15 Minutes
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